October 2008 - Posts

• Get That Costume On This Minute!

  I have been thinking about Halloween. Normally this happens around the first of October, when I catch the first glimpse of candy corn and I begin to strategize how to get some of it without eating an entire bag at home. This year I’m less concerned with sweets, knowing full well that there will be a large cauldron of it where we are going, and that everyone will be so distracted that they won’t notice my grown up hands sneaking wrappers into my pockets. Right now I’m thinking about Halloween costumes in particular. When this festival first started in the 16th century, the Celtics were celebrating the end of their harvest season, and believed that wearing costumes would scare away the devils and the dead, thereby protecting their crops and livestock. It was an adult tradition. These days costumes are worn mostly by children, though some grownups (myself included) still relish the opportunity to disguise themselves, for just one night, as someone or something else, preferably macabre. The Halloween industry is a racket and they’re making costumes for younger and younger children. You can find thousands of toddler outfits, as well as infant outfits and even costumes for babies in utero (the ubiquitous maternity pumpkin, for starters). Last year we thought we were very clever for finding a beautiful bumblebee costume for The Bees.  We popped it on her the first day of October and she wore it for weeks, bouncing wings and waving her antennae at everyone. This year since the Bees is obsessed with felines I thought a black cat costume would be an appropriate garb for All Hallows Eve. I found the perfect one- it’s solid black, fuzzy, has a long tail, a hood with ears. Fetching. It arrived a few weeks ago, she took one look and just shook her head. As the big day looms I have been trying to put it on her, and I get as far as her legs before she is flailing and screaming. She pulls at the neckline and turns to me wailing to take it off. The hood has yet to grace her head. So here it is Halloween tomorrow, we are off to Boston to trick or treat at a big block party in Wayland with scores of other children and she is refusing to put on her costume. Why do I feel like a failure. Why is it important. Is it because these kids look so cute? Is it a non-negotiable tradition like leaving a note for Santa or hunting for Easter eggs? If she is only 19 months and will have no memory of this occasion does it matter that she wear a costume this year? Does it matter if she ever wears a costume again. Somehow I feel with conviction that it is. I envision myself the lone forlorn parent off to the side, her child dressed as an ordinary child, wearing just a parka and pants on Halloween. Sad faces searching mine. And why would anyone give her candy if she hasn’t dressed up. No, I can’t allow it. I am already scheming of ways I can distract her with tv or bribe her with a lollipop so I can get that wretched itchy black nylon thing onto her squirming little body. I want to hear the appreciative noises from other parents even if it means howls and rages from my child. Posted Oct 30 2008, 11:25 AM by districtmom with no comments Filed under: toddler, kids, cat, party, pumpkin, All Hallows Eve, costume, crops, halloween, candy corn, candy, 16th century, trick or treat, disguise, Celtic [Edit Tags]

• Childless in Manhattan

  I have just returned from my first weekend away from The Bees. Contrary to my expectations, I did not weep upon takeoff, I did not rail my fists on the floor upon arrival, I did not despair in loneliness and rush for the Doubletree hotel door. It was really a lovely time, and though I checked in frequently by phone I had no trouble enjoying the freedom of being childless in Manhattan. We drank multiple cocktails, ate enormous bistro meals, cackled at the drag queens, and scampered around Soho. We were dutiful tourists watching an enormous crane hoist a prefab penthouse onto its perch. We ran into fashion houses and tried on clothes we couldn’t afford. We took in a hilarious play (“Boeing Boeing”), admiring the 60’s stewardess costumes and talked about copying them. On Sunday we walked and walked up Fifth, down Madison, raced around the Metropolitan Museum, and fortified ourselves with a hearty brunch afterwards. The afternoon sun blazed down upon us and sitting on a bench in Central Park, under falling leaves, facing the lake, I remembered what it was like to live there. It was a wonderful weekend, a joy to see old friends, and a good respite from full time motherhood. Best of all, my husband CB did not complain about his sleepless nights with the Bees. He even offered to do it again sometime. Posted Oct 29 2008, 10:07 AM by districtmom with 1 comment(s) Filed under: dc, baby, toddler, child, show, New York, Metropolitan, Central Park, drag queen, theater, Subway, Broadway, manhattan, Soho, kid, Boeing, doubletree [Edit Tags]

• Leaving Your Child

  I'm doing it. I'm leaving my child. I will be far, far away, sipping a cocktail, dining until late, sleeping in, browsing shops at my own pace, seeing a few exhibits, even taking in a show! I am going to a family town, the best one on the East Coast, a place that has everything to offer a child – toys, music, zoos, museums, lights, rides -- and I am leaving my child behind. It's time. It has been 18 months (and 23 days) that I have been with The Bees. I need a break, and she needs to bond with her daddy who loves her so much that it hurts. I'm heading back to my home town, my stomping grounds when I was young. My old haunts, now replaced by new, swanky, newsworthy places, much too cool for Old Mum. I will walk blocks and blocks until I’ve worn down the soles of my patent leather tortoise shell clogs. I will bounce and dance until my creaky knees are sore. I will talk and laugh until my throat is hoarse. I will sift through racks and piles of clothes until my eyes glaze over. I am meeting two of my dearest friends in the world. It's "Girls Weekend", but they're boys. We’ve going to have a blast. And I will miss my baby fiercely. Posted Oct 24 2008, 05:40 AM by districtmom with no comments Filed under: dc, baby, toddler, travel, vacation, flight, show, leaving, stomping, playne, gay, East Coast, New York, home, trip [Edit Tags]

• Does Your Child Watch Television?

  I was one of those mothers who insisted my child would never watch television before the age of 6, when she could take in the series of “The Tudors” or “I Claudius”, or if she were very good, maybe a performance of “The Three Tenors at Carnegie Hall”. I was sure TV would numb her senses, zap her of her love of books, and poison her little brain with the toxins of material desire. When The Bees first discovered the cartoon character Dora in a bookstore, she would shriek every time she spied that familiar helmet of brown hair and the pink shirt with purple backpack. When she was just a year and starting her worst fits my husband discovered the loveable character on tv and ever since then we rely on good old “Dora” for a panacea of ills, whether it’s a tantrum, sleepiness, hunger, teething or general malaise. CB is a softy and whenever The Bees looks up at him asking for “Dah?” and pointing to the TV room he has a hard time resisting her. Seeing The Bees curled up in a chair, the blue light flickering on her face, her brow softening, her eyes brightening and her mouth turning up I sigh and turn back to preparing her dinner. I’ve now backed myself into a corner where I feebly mandate “no commercials”, and “TV no more than once a day”. With our recent school applications (and parent-only school tours) I’ve had to ask my parents to watch The Bees for an hour or two here and there. Even my father, a scholarly type, weary from his babysitting duties, has extolled the virtues of the cartoon network, noting that it occupies The Bees for more than 3 seconds at a time. And when I need to get something done, get a load of laundry in, finish an article, write out some checks, make a phone call, I know I can get a good 4 or 5 minutes to myself by simply turning on the enticing, enthralling, noisy, wretched box. So, in the end, maybe television isn't such a bad thing after all.   Posted Oct 22 2008, 11:01 AM by districtmom with 2 comment(s) Filed under: dc, baby, toddler, Dora, watch, tv, cartoon, school, Three Tenors, television, I Claudius., show, children, commercials, applications, The Tudors, material, network [Edit Tags]

• His Ex Wife at the Pumpkin Patch

  In the throes of fall fever we took the Bees up to Germantown to Butlers Orchard. This is a pumpkin patch taken to the next level. Entering is like going to a concert at Wolftrap with triple parking lines and multiple levels of parking lots.  They charge $10 a head (kids under 2 are free). You park your car in a field, then you have a choice of activities. We hopped right into a tractor-pulled hay wagon with five other families. Sitting in the sunshine with a close view of the tractor’s huge wheels, we sniffed the diesel fumes and enjoyed bouncing over the bumps as the tractor led us up to a neighboring hillside. Here we unloaded, hay itching in our pants and up our sweaters. We all trundled around the field looking for the perfect pumpkin. It looked to me like they had just rolled a bunch of mature ones onto the field to look like they had sprouted right there, though much further down I did in fact see a few green ones still on the vine. I think they replenish the stock after the grounds have been well trampled on. We selected two, one orange and one small pretty green one and got the obligatory pose-with-the-pumpkin photo, then hopped back in the wagon and bounced back to the main grounds. The Bees kept offering stalks of hay to a nearby girl who, unimpressed with the offering, ignored her. We got out and learned we would now have to purchase the pumpkins we just “found”. Knowing we have two nice ones framing our door at home I just set them down and continued on. The Bees crunched on an apple as we toured the grounds. We put her on a pony ride which she did not enjoy as much as she does riding our dog Jemimah around the living room. We watched bigger kids jumping off hay bales and chasing each other around a barn. The Bees climbed into two tractors, small and big. We ate lunch at a picnic table with a view of the Pumpkin Blasting field (they shoot them out of a cannon). A band started up, playing old 70’s country songs. Just then CB turned and said “I think that’s my ex wife over there”. “Where!” "Yes, I think that’s her”. Such an exciting moment! He hadn’t seen her in over 7 years and I had only seen pictures from the early 90’s showing a curvy girl with long, wavy brown hair. This woman was slight, slender, with straight hair streaked with blond. She came over and we shook hands. I gave her an extra squeeze as if to say – what - “think what we have in common”? or “I know you were unhappy but I’m not”. How odd, I thought. And here is my child who could have been your child. And there are your children who could have been his children. Sort of. We said goodbye and moved away, over to the snack shack to get The Bees a pumpkin-shaped cookie. We climbed into the sun-warmed car and drove away, Bees clutching her cookie and snoring before we’d gone a mile. As we drove back home I closed my eyes, wondering if CB was thinking about the old days, memories of college when everything was light and fun. Or was he recalling the reasons they got divorced. I doubt we will see her again any time soon, if ever. Somehow I'm glad we did, once. It feels final.    Posted Oct 20 2008, 10:13 AM by districtmom with no comments Filed under: band, farm, festival, bales, pumpkin, divorce, hillside, fall, wagon, fair, tractor, live music, apples, bump, horses, patch, hay, ex-wife [Edit Tags]

• Don't Grow So Fast

  CB and I have decided we’re not having a second child. I’m turning 43 in a week, we don’t have help and he’s traveling 3 to 4 days a week on business. It just seems too much. Having always imagined a large boisterous family I’ll have to make do with the boisterous part, though it makes me a little sad that The Bees won’t have a sibling. Other than Jemimah the dog of course. So lately I’ve been taking a hard look at her, her expressions, her mannerisms, trying to memorize this time as a toddler. I have a camcorder but it doesn’t capture the best moments: the spontaneous outbursts, the bond between us (since I’m filming) and it certainly doesn’t capture smell. People are remarking at how tall she’s getting and I can’t stand it. I don’t want her taller! I don’t want her to grow. I want her to stay small enough to embrace her whole body in my arms, small enough for me to swing up and throw like a sack over my shoulder. Small enough that she can run up to my legs in excitement and bury her head in my thighs. Small enough to lean her head into mine when she’s feeling affectionate. Small enough that she allows me to sniff and sniff her neck and hair. Because by the time she’s 6 she’ll be too tall. By the time she’s 7 she’ll be too heavy. By the time she’s 8 she’ll be too cool to kiss me on the lips goodbye in front of school. And the sniffing sessions will certainly be over. The whole point is to "grow" them, to rear them up to be fully functioning, independent, contributing members of society, I suppose. So why do I feel like I'm losing something along the way.    Posted Oct 17 2008, 10:49 AM by districtmom with no comments Filed under: dc, baby, toddler, school, raising, family, tall, smell, rearing, grow, bonging, camcorder, sniff, sibling, video camera, age [Edit Tags]

• The Agony of a Sleepless Child

  My husband CB recently complained that I was singing a lullaby too loudly. This while we were both awake at midnight in an inn on an island in Maine. The Bees had been waking up hourly, crying, kicking and screaming since 10pm. Next door were a French couple, presumably muttering “Mon Dieu!”, with ear plugs in their ears and pillows over their heads. Downstairs another two rooms of guests probably cursing, glaring at the ceiling and shaking their fists. At one point in the night I took The Bees downstairs (bouncing her a bit too much out of total annoyance). She cried harder. I took her to the inn’s sitting room where the embers of a fire crackled and hissed, hoping the light and warmth would distract her. It didn't. I opened the back door and stepped out into the chilly night onto the deck, pointing out the moon, the stars and ALL the SLEEPING people in their dark houses. She howled on. I carried her back into the inn's dark ticking kitchen and swiped a very unripe pear from the basket on the counter. "Dapple Dapple!" she sniffled. We tiptoed back upstairs and into our unheated room. I plopped her on the bed where she chomped noisily away. My husband propped himself up on one arm in support, eyes closing, his chin drooping. I was desperate for sleep. Bees crunched into the skin, munched some bitter bites, spat them out and kept gnawing. I scooped up the detritus from the bed and put them on the bedside table. About halfway through the pair she asked for water. A few sips and I said firmly "it's bedtime". I pushed her head down on my shoulder and sang "Three Jolly Gentlemen in Coats of Red". Bees insisted that I make the horses sound, nickering and snorting. Again and again and again. I tried other songs like "Bobby Shaftoe" and "Minnie and Winnie" but she wouldn't have any of it. Horses, horses. I must have sung that song 25 times before she was ready to doze off. Her head heavy and her breathing deep, I laid her down in her crib and went back to bed. An hour later she was crying yet again, and I carried her back to our bed.  She wouldn't let me lie down so I sat up, leaning back on the headboard, rocking and singing. She fell asleep on my shoulder, CB dozed alongside and I sat for another 2 hours waiting for dawn to arrive. At 5:30 CB woke up again, and at 6 he took her downstairs so I could sleep an hour. When I went down for breakfast I carried the Bees around table to table apologizing for the noisy night. A few nods from some, a few smiles from others and a dirty look from the French couple. We thought the worst was over, but the next night was more of the same. She awoke three times, ending up between us where again I waited for dawn to arrive. I still don't know what it was all about. A stomach ache? An earache? Teething yet AGAIN? It’s still a mystery.    Posted Oct 15 2008, 10:04 AM by districtmom with 1 comment(s) Filed under: dc, toddler, travel, sleep, Maine, lullaby, insomnia, island, teething, horse, French, ceiling, doze, ear plug, snort, cursing, snore, awake, inn, guest [Edit Tags]

• Germs: Anyone Else Have Em?

  I met a friend for coffee along with her 18 month-old daughter. We played outside Starbucks and then took the girls for a walk down the hall to the toy store. While we were there she mentioned that the train are was where al the sick kids come. We stopped at the ladies’ room to wash the girls’ hands. I discovered that The Bees had a dirty diaper.  I had forgotten to bring anything with me, so luckily my friend had spares. I cleaned up the Bees (a herculean job). Wiped everything down, washed my hands and left the restroom. At the pharmacy I noticed (horror of horrors) that I was now sporting some of the residuals of the diaper on the front of my shirt. How could this have happened when I used 22 wipes on her and on me and then washed my hands with hot water and soap? I don’t know. But there it was for all the world to see. I held my CVS bag in front as I walked outside. I didn’t know whether to hide the stain from my friend or just tell her. She suggested we take a walk down the street so I just came ‘clean’ and said I needed to head straight home to change my shirt. Well how bad is it she asked.  I showed her the stain and she turned a shade of green. We walked together to my house and I ran upstairs to change, spraying my shirt with Oxy Clean and leaving it in the tub. I came back downstairs and the girls were playing with toys. After a time her daughter wandered off into the den and into the kitchen. Moments later I noticed a black triangular box sitting on the coffee table. “Ugh!” I screeched and snatched it up. “What is it!” asked my friend. And before I could clap my hand over my mouth the truth just slipped out: “it’s for mice”. On hearing this news she scooped up her child and ran into the kitchen, I rushed to get the antibacterial gel and then there was another scrubbing with soap. That night I lay in bed and wondered whether I am the only one in our neighborhood who is losing the battle against germs. I have a sinking feeling they will not be back to our house. Posted Oct 13 2008, 02:38 PM by districtmom with no comments Filed under: diaper, poop, Starbucks, dirty, wipes, stain, bacteria, mouse trap, germs, oxy clean [Edit Tags]

• When Your Baby Falls in Love - With Someone Else

  Yesterday, for the first time since Bees was born, I experienced jealousy. We arrived at music class early, as we do. While the older kids finished up The Bees grabbed a bottle of bubbles and was jubilantly hoisting her small arm up in the air, tilting her head back and pretending to blow on the wand. In walked Meridiana, the nanny that watches a girl named Virginia. Recognizing her from last week The Bees ran straight over, and for the next hour exhibited an effusion of love. At first The Bees took turns sitting in my lap for a song, and then running to Meridiana to scoot her bottom in next to Virginia's. After a time she really just wanted to be there, with her. I called over to her, coaxing her with toys and songs and dance but she wouldn't have any of it. She danced for Meridiana, hopped for her, threw her arms around her neck and cuddled. I looked around the room with a vague smile as if to say "Isn't it so funny?!?" But I became acutely aware of being expendable. In fact, by the time we got to the egg shakers and the popcorn song The Bees was no longer checking in with me or even looking in my direction. I wandered out to the waiting room to call Rockville Audi to check on our car. The Bees didn't notice I was gone. Watching her from the waiting room I had that twang of, Oh! Does she love Meridiana more than me?  Is it because she's soft and gentle, and that she's calm? Is it the Spanish? Maybe I need to learn Spanish. Should I grow my hair longer? And for the first time I knew how my husband feels every day when he comes home and tries to hold the Bees or put her to bed, and she just cries and reaches for me. It stings. You feel left out. Since then I've tried to figure out a way to use this to my advantage. Maybe I could drop a ten to Meridiana for the hour and go get a pedicure...     Posted Oct 04 2008, 09:05 AM by districtmom with no comments Filed under: babies, dc, baby, toddler, nanny, toys, child, music, spanish, musikids, jealousy, Maryland, Meridiana [Edit Tags]

• An Exclusive D.C. List

  My husband CB asked me not to write about him anymore because he thinks my blogs cast him in an unflattering light. I argue that I take literary liberties for laughs. Besides, he provides some decent fodder. Have I mentioned that CB keeps a revenge spreadsheet? The Revenge Spreadsheet is a document that lists all the people who have landed on CB's bad side, which is to say, have wronged him in some serious way. CB keeps the names in excel so they can be shuffled according to priority. Among the dozen names the list includes: * Our wedding photographer, a European who came to our wedding, snapped away, received his cash in advance and returned to Europe. The pictures never arrived. * The guy who accepted a position at my husband's firm, then renegotiated elaborate terms, and then just days later declined the offer via email. * The gal who was hired as an Office Manager at the firm, who absconded with funds: she forged expense checks for herself and knowingly cashed an overly generous paycheck. Offenders rankle CB to such an extent that he cannot forget it. My husband is not comfortable with the concept of letting bygones be bygones. Retribution to the offenders might happen in months or it could take years. Exacting revenge might be as innocuous as witnessing the person’s comeuppance, (like knowing the Office Manager had to go to court and was having difficulty getting another job). It might require in-person verbal admonishment, as recently transpired with the job-seeker. The wedding photographer, however, could require a trip to Prague and a meeting with Interpol. In this case I see my husband salivating in fantasies of physical vengeance. Once revenge has been satisfied that name is bolded in red and the Revenge Spreadsheet is reshuffled. However he was maligned, and whatever the extent of CB’s vindication, this is one exclusive list you don't want to make.    Posted Oct 01 2008, 11:12 AM by districtmom with no comments Filed under: dc, toddler, paycheck, job seeker, vindication, wedding, revenge, spreadsheet, photographer, photos, office manager, unpaid [Edit Tags]