So tonight is the last Presidential Debate of the year. It’s McCain’s last chance (or so everyone says) to save his faltering campaign, Obama’s last chance to woo some more of the bitter people and the media’s last chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of the public.
The media always complains that the candidates don’t answer the questions they’re asked. Well, you know what? Guess whose fault that is? (I’m looking at you Brokaw). We have a moderator there for a reason and it’s not just to read off an index card. If that was all that was required we’d get Mrs. Bowman’s 3rd grade class from Youngstown Ohio to read the questions (wouldn’t that be cute?)
No, the moderator is there to make sure that the question he/she just asked is actually answered and to possibly break up fights (rumor has it that Jim Lehrer took several tae-kwon-do classes to prepare - Bob Schieffer reportedly applied for a stun gun permit).
So Bob, make sure you hold these two guys accountable. If you ask them a question, make them answer it even if you have to be sort of a jerk to do it. You’re old, they gave the anchor job to Katie Couric, so what have you got to lose? Make a pest of yourself, say things like “you know, that was a lovely answer, but it didn’t have anything to do with my question. Do you think you can really handle the complicated decisions the president must make if you don’t even seem to understand what the questions are?”
If nothing else it would be fun to see McCain’s head explode and Obama actually raise an eyebrow.
Of course, the other half of the job is to write some interesting and meaningful questions. If you ask the candidates what they think of the surge, don’t be surprised if they slip into their stump speeches. Heck, I could probably write half the debate right now if you ask the same tired old questions that Jim, Bob and Gwen did. So mix it up. Get to the heart of what Americans want to know. And if you need some help, feel free to borrow some of these questions that I’ve been wondering about the last few months.
Senators before we get started, here is a list of phrases or comments that nobody in America ever wants to hear again. Please refrain from saying the following during this debate:
“My friends”
The word “Look” used as a way to begin a statement
“Maverick”
“the wheels of the straight talk express….”
“This one,” “that one,” or “those people”
“overhead projectors”
Anything about “invading Pakistan”
“Acorn, Walnuts, or any other seeds”
And now, let’s begin
Senators, before I ask my first question, could you please relate a seemingly random story about an earnest individual you met on the campaign trail that gave you some trinket that you are wearing or carrying in your wallet?
Now, that we have that out of the way. Senators, history has proven time and again that candidates come in promising the world and delivering Akron. You simply can’t do everything. So what are the three things that you will make a priority in the first 100 days of your administration – the three things that you want to be remembered for doing?
As you know, the economy is spiraling out of control and we have already added several hundred billion dollars to our deficit in an 11th inning effort to actually do something about it. Of the things that have been done so far which do you think will be effective and what would you do differently. Please answer without using the words “wall street” or “main street.” And remember, I have a stun gun.
Home foreclosures are at a record high. If the economy does not improve, can we come over and live in your house once they repo ours?
In your opinion where is the line for gun possession? Some folks think you should be allowed to own bazookas, others would rather limit it to slingshots. Both somehow claim a constitutional basis for these opinions. Where would you personally draw this seemingly random line?
Are either of you willing to here and now take a pledge to outlaw trucknutz?
For over 3 decades politicians have fought over the issue of abortion and even though we have had pro-life presidents for twenty of the last 28 years the abortion rate is still extremely high. Both of you claim to want to lower the number of abortions in the country even while you disagree on its legality. What would you actually do to make this happen? Where do you see the areas that could create consensus on both sides? And if you use the words “form a commission” or “work across the aisle,” I will publically declare your opponent the winner of the debate.
Senator McCain when can we expect to leave Iraq? And why should the country believe you?
Senator Obama, if Iraq devolves into total chaos when we leave, will it still have been the right decision?
Sebator McCain is there ever a time when the money and lives expended would outweigh our need to “come home with honor?
Senator Obama, from what you have said in the past, it appears that capturing Osama Bin Laden is our primary objective in Afghanistan. If he were to be captured tomorrow, would there still be a need to increase our military forces in Afghanistan? How will you decide that our mission there is complete?
Barbeque sauce: Memphis or Kansas City?
Senator McCain, you said you know how to get Osama Bin Laden. Would you please please tell us how. And then tell us why you’ve kept this to yourself for the past 7 years.
If you were stranded on a desert island, without any food or water, would you eat Henry Paulson?
Our National debt has hit a record 10 trillion dollars. Both of you have proposals that will add to the debt. What, if anything, will you do to lower the national debt and where should that fit in our list of financial priorities?
Jack Bauer: Hero or criminal?
Although “No Child Left Behind” originated out of a bipartisan piece of legislation it has since divided the congress and the country. What are two positive things the legislation has achieved and what are two things you would change?
Senators, as president, would you send your girls to a DC public school? If not, will you admit publically to being an elitist hypocrite? If so, can it be the one my friend is a principal of, because that would be really cool?
What aspects of the Patriot Act, if any, would you attempt to repeal
Senator McCain. It has been widely reported that the enthusiasm on your campaign trail has, in many cases, shifted to anger, an anger frequently based on false perceptions of your opponent. Do you claim any responsibility for this?
Senator Obama If your wife WERE to call someone “whitey,” who would it be?
Are either of you man enough to give one example of a TV ad your campaign has run that was either intentionally misleading or a flat out lie? Because if not, I and the American public can name a few dozen.
Cage match: Oprah Vs. Lindsey Graham. Who wins?
Senator McCain, your vice presidential candidate is universally viewed as performing poorly in her interviews with Katie Couric and Charlie Gibson. What do you attribute this to?
Senator Obama, Senator McCain has been a longtime opponent of earmarks. What would you do to eliminate earmarks, or do you view them as an unfortunate but necessary political tool to get legislation passed?
Who do you think is better looking? Me or Tom Brokaw?
What is your personal philosophy for balancing environmental protection Vs. human needs. Is it reasonable for a small fish to prohibit the building of a dam that creates free clean power? Is it responsible to allow mountaintop coal removal simply because it is easier, despite the environmental impact? Where is that line between protecting jobs and protecting the environment?
What are 3 things the Bush administration has gotten right?
JFK famously compelled us to ask “what we could do for our country.” Without babbling on about Bush and post 9-11 mistakes, what is something you would ask Americans to do? And what is something you would ask Americans to sacrifice?
These are my questions. Some are better than others, but most are better than the ho-hum lead-straight-into-stump-speech-sound-byte nonsense that we have gotten so far.
What questions do you wish were being asked? I don’t know if Bob Schieffer cares, but I do.