My son Micah is two years old. He has many wonderful qualities, such as the desire to snuggle with you on the couch, the charisma to wear a pair of overalls without looking dorky and the ability to remove all of his clothing and diaper and use his crib as a toilet.
But perhaps the thing I love most about my son is this:
“Oh, dosh!”
He has trouble with the ‘g’ in gosh and as a result, when he accidentally drops something, or knocks over a cup of milk, or watches Scooby Doo fall down a set of stairs, he yells out, “Oh, dosh!”
It is ridiculously cute.
In fact, it is so ridiculously cute that I have taken up saying it myself. I will frequently find myself saying, “Oh, dosh!” when I read the newspaper or surf the web, or see one of my children face plant on the driveway.
“Paula Deen got hit in the face with a ham.” – Oh, dosh!
“Oprah is retiring!” – Oh, dosh!”
“Lou Dobbs is thinking about running for President.” – Oh, holy dosh!”
It has become so ubiquitous in our household, that we hardly say anything else. Last week my wife, Sarah, said, “oh gosh,” in reference to something one of the kids had done and Micah looked at her very sternly and said, “NO! Is ‘Oh, Dosh!”
So, anyway, all of this doshing around has led me to a new segment I am calling “Oh, Dosh!”
(very creative, huh?)
In this segment, I will be sharing with you some of the news stories, events and family catastrophes that have caused me to say, “Oh, dosh!”
Let’s go.
Facebook Tells Kids to Beat 12 Year Old Redhead Stepchild Like a Redheaded Stepchild!
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/11/22/california.redhead.attack.facebook/index.html
Apparently, someone posted on the Facebook that Nov. 20 was “Kick a Ginger” day and a bunch of kids went to school and beat up some poor redheaded kid.
Oh, dosh!
Now, as someone who grew up with bright red head and as the father of a child with gingerish overtones in their hair, I have only one thing to say about this horrifying incident:
Thank goodness!
All these years I thought the kids didn’t like me because of my predilection for wearing royal blue slacks or my large plastic framed glasses, or the fact that the only rock album I owned was by overweight Contemporary Christian singer Sandi Patty.
It is such a relief to find out that all along, it was only my hair. Man, if I had had facebook and a bottle of Grecian formula back in 1984, life could have turned out so much differently.
I’ll have to dig out my tear stained 7th grade diary to verify, but I’m willing to bet anything that the day a kid on the bus flicked me repeatedly in the head with his pencil until I hyperventilated was probably Nov. 20!
Man, that just makes everything seem so much better!
People Who Don’t Know Understand the Health Care Bill Hate It!
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/graphic/2009/11/17/GR2009111700066.html?sid=ST2009111700022
Last week, I came across this poll in the Washington Post. Apparently they surveyed a bunch of people and among the people who have “a good basic understanding” of the health care bill, they support the bill by 56%. Conversely, the people who don’t understand the bill because it is “too complicated” oppose the bill by 57%.
I don’t want to oversimplify this issue….. but it appears that I will have to so that the people who oppose health care can understand what I’m saying:
Basically, if you have the intellectual capacity to understand what is said in the health care bill, then you probably support it and if you can’t understand it because….. (well, let’s not draw any uncharitable conclusions but let me just say, it’s ok, I felt the same way about Algebra)…..then you probably don’t’ support it.
Oh, dosh!
How, exactly is it that you even have an opinion on something you, admittedly, don’t understand?
“Well sir, I don’t know anything about what movies that are coming out next week, but I definitely don’t want to go see them!”
I guess, that isn’t really surprising. We tend to fear what we don’t understand - like nuclear power, or other religions, or the continuing success of someone as homely as Hannah Montana. (That’s right, I said it. She’s homely).
Another interesting aspect of this poll was that when asked whether or not they felt they understood the health care bill, 55% said yes, 44% said it was too complicated for them to understand and 2% said they had no opinion.
Let me say that again.
2% of the people polled said that they had “no opinion” on whether they understood the health care bill. That is, they had no opinion on THEIR OWN knowledge.
I find that to be the most disturbing aspect of this whole poll – that 2% of the people don’t even know whether they know anything.
Very frightening. And worthy of a giant “oh dosh!”
I want to give my final, “Oh, Dosh” of the day to the worst Christmas Gift currently available.
We received a catalog recently called Museum Tour.” It is full of the kind of nerdy science gifts that are bought by your great aunt who thinks children should get “learning toys” for Christmas instead of, you know, fun stuff that kids like to play with.
Well, this catalog is choc-full of the kind of presents that obligate children to force a wincing smile on to their face after opening. But my favorite, by far is this:
The Facial Reconstruction Kit
http://www.museumtour.com/product/4895/#
What could a kid possibly want more on Christmas morning than the opportunity to take a fake skull and play-doh and pretend to reconstruct the tissue from a decomposed body.
Oh, dosh!
“Be just like the CSI guys rebuilding the face of a murder victim that was discovered in the crawlspace of a home!”
“Pretend you are rebuilding the face of a Pharaoh for a Discovery Channel special!”
What could possibly be more fun?
(That’s a rhetorical question…. The answer is anything)
Basically you insert pegs in a skull and then start layering on play-doh until you’ve made that caveman from the Geico Ads.
For extra fun, you can re-create the skulls of Julius Caesar, Queen Nefertiti (limited availability!), King Tut and (wait for it) … a horse.
That’s right, you can take the skull of a horse, out the tendons and skin back on it’s head and then go put it in your parent’s bed as a threat.
Who the hell does this? Who comes up with these ideas? And what kind of kid actually gets this for Christmas?
Lets be honest, if your kid came home and said, “Hey Mom, my best friend Timmy wants me to come over tomorrow so we can rebuild the muscle tissue of a neanderthal on a plaster skull using play-doh, little pegs and sculpting knives.”
What are you going to say?
I’ll tell you what I’m going to say.
“Honey, we’ve talked about Timmy before and you’re not allowed to go to his house because Timmy is special and I’ve always wondered if his dog really ‘ran away’. Ok?”
Although maybe the Olsen Twins could use this kit so they could figure out what their face is really supposed to look like.
(Oh, dosh!)
Anywho, that’s my “Oh, dosh!” report for the week.
Please note that the phrase “Oh, dosh!” is copywrited. And please look for the full line of “Oh, dosh!” related merchandise coming to stores this Christmas season. There will be t-shirts, lunchboxes, stain removers and of course a foam key chain figurine shaped like my son that when you squeeze it will squeal, “Oh, dosh!”
Oh, dosh, indeed.