in

Better Off Dad

I am a stay at home dad. That’s pretty much all I am. I used to be other things before I started staying home with my kids. But now I’m just a stay at home dad, or SAHD for short. I know that’s what I am because that’s how people introduce me. “This is Marcus, he stays home with the kids (can you believe it?)” Or if they’re over the age of 55, I usually get the “He’s a Mr. Mom.” It’s said in a positive way, sort of like the way people say “between jobs” when they mean “fired for being an incompetent loser.”

If Ignorance is Bliss, Does that Mean Intellect is Misery?

 

I recently came across an article that ranked every state based on happiness.

 

I love that kind of thing. 

 

Partly I love it because ranking a location by happiness is about the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.  For one thing, happiness is physically unmeasurable by any scientific gauge and secondly, everywhere I’ve ever lived (including places that made me very happy and places that made me very sad) was full of both sad and happy people.

 

But it’s such an attractive idea isn’t it?  The idea that somewhere, perhaps in Nebraska, lies a community of people walking around with moronic smiles plastered across their faces, eating sponge cake  and practically peeing themselves with excitement over the upcoming season of Extreme Makeover.

 

I also enjoy this sort of article because I sort of have a running joke with one of my best friends.  You see, about 6 years ago, I moved into a house about 4 blocks away from them here in Maryland and then two weeks later they moved away…… to Ohio. So I am always on the lookout for articles that scientifically prove that Ohio is a stupid place to live and that, therefore, I am smarter….. and better looking.

 

So, I was pleased as punch to see this article which ranks Maryland #6 for happiness and Ohio #47, just above Mississippi, Kentucky and West Virginia (ouch!)

 

http://channels.isp.netscape.com/homerealestate/package.jsp?name=fte/happinessbystate/happinessbystate&floc=NI-ntk1

 

Now to be fair, this survey didn’t really make any sense.  It didn’t actually measure happiness, instead is measured things that are supposed to make you happy such as income, good schools, a healthy populace and the presence of gay people (I don’t know why gay people are supposed to make you happy…. it’s in the article.  Gay people happen to make me happy, but I’m not sure they really are the best happiness barometer.  But what do I know?  I’m not a scientist.)

 

So anyway, I emailed off the article along with a note about how bad I felt for my friend to have to live in a state that was only slightly less miserable than a state where only about half the people over 60 have any teeth (true fact, look it up)

 

He responded with a defensive note about how this article was a load of crap and how he was sick of people picking on Ohio and he was tired of being dragged down by loser cities like Cleveland.  (His words, not mine.  I think you Clevelandites are awesome!)

 

Anyway, I chuckled and moved on, keeping an eye out for the next survey that would rank states based on obesity or inability to clear snow off the roads.

 

But, lo and behold, I came across another scientific ranking of states based on happiness.

 

Delightful.  There’s nothing like adding a little salt to a Cincinnatian’s wounds.

 

However, this survey didn’t work out so well for me.  In fact, it looked a lot like the last survey, but turned upside down. 

 

In this one, Mississippi was 6th, but Maryland was (gulp!) 40th!  (although still ahead of poor sad Ohio at 44th).

 

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091217141314.htm

 

As I began to look at these rankings a little more carefully, I began to notice some really peculiar differences.  Many of the states that had been in the top 10 of the first survey – Maryland, California, Massachusetts – Were in the bottom 10 of the second survey.  And many of the states that were in the bottom 10 of the first survey (Mississippi, Louisiana) were in the top 10 of the second.  Mississippi alone went from 48th to 6th (#6 was Maryland’s rank dammit!)

 

What is that about?

 

Well, it’s a little hard to tell and I suspect the most likely answer is that researchers are kind of stupid, but the main difference that I was able to discern is that in the first survey researchers looked at objective data that is supposed to lead to happiness (income, good schools, long lives) and ranked states accordingly and on the second survey they just asked people, “are you happy?”

 

So, basically people who live in places where they should be miserable, i.e places that are poor, have bad educational systems and everyone’s fat and dies early are every happy.  And people who live in places with a high quality of living and lots of smart people who exercise regularly are sad.

 

Great.

 

There’s a very large part of me that finds me highly highly depressing. 

 

Of course there are places where people live in lovely, educated, healthy places and are very happy (Hawaii)  and people who live in backward, poor, unhealthy states and are very sad (like, say, Ohio) but for the most part the people who are supposed to be happy aren’t and the people who should be miserable aren’t either.


What’s going on?

 

Well, I have a theory, a sad little theory. 

 

If you compare these charts to a third chart, you’ll see a further correlation.  This chart is a list of states by number of people who have received a bachelor degree.

 

http://www.census.gov/acs/www/Products/Ranking/2003/R02T040.htm

 

In this survey, 9 of the highest educated states are also in the bottom 15 of the happiness chart.  And 8 of the least educated states are at the top 15 of the happiness chart.

 

So, is ignorance bliss?  Does being smart make you sad.

 

In one, quick word:

 

Yes.

 

I know that this is a terrible truth to have to come to terms with, but I think that the answer is an unqualified: Absodoobalutley!

Now, it’s not surprising that the least educated are happy.  They usually don’t travel much or spend much time contemplating life outside of their community.  They tend to have a straightforward belief system of clear cut rights and wrongs.  They are often surrounded by people who are similar to them and believe many of the same things as they do.

 

They also never had to read James Joyce.

 

These are all recipes for sweet joyful happiness.


On the other hand, the more educated you are, the less the world makes sense.  The less things are clear cut.  These college educated folk from Hah-vud have travelled more and seen disparity in the world.  They recognize that the truths that they grew up with may not be as straightforward as they once believed.  They understand that there are no easy answers and a study of history will reveal that we, as people, probably get it wrong more often than we get it right. 

 

Plus educated people read depressing things like the New Yorker and the Stock Market report….. and James Joyce. 

 

I believe that there is comfort and joy in a simple life, and not just a simplicity of possessions or activities, but a simplicity in how you view the world.  Children tend to be happy because there are a clear cut series of rights and wrongs, love is something given not earned, and being good and doing the right thing rarely encompasses more than eating all your peas and cleaning up your room once a week.

 

Whereas the older you get and the more educated you become and the more of the world you see, the more you come to realize that life is rarely lived in black and white, but instead in a muted complex arena of grey. 

 

The things we were told by our parents and the television would make us happy (getting A’s on our report car, buying a new car, owning a KIMBALL Piano!) rarely do.

 

The simplicity of right and wrong in our small homes in our small home towns, doesn’t always translate to the confusing wrongs we see if we travel to the inner cities, or to other nations, or even read the newspaper where those who cheat often seem to succeed and those who try to make the world a better place are often met with roadblocks.

 

Right after college I spent several years teaching in some of the poorest corners of our nation – Mississippi, Detroit, Newark, Washington, DC.  I saw people living in what were little more than shacks.  I saw 15 year olds having babies and leaving them to all but raise themselves.  I saw young girls being taken advantage of by the men in their lives.  And I saw a society where even the bright and hardworking were limited by the failures of those around them. 

 

Spending that time has forever changed my life.  I see the world differently now and I see it far differently than if I had never gone to college or never left the small Tennessee town I grew up in.

 

My wife and I were talking recently and we had the revelation that we would have probably been happier people had we never spent those years living in those various places.  We would have known less of the horrors of the world and it would have been easier to pigeon hole people and circumstances into boxes of right or wrong and the world would have made more sense and been a little less sad.

 

That doesn’t mean that I regret those years, nor does it mean that I wouldn’t do it all over again, but there is a sense of mourning for the simplicity and ignorant joyfulness that came before hand.

 

So, ignorance really can be bliss and knowledge really can be a burden.

 

So should we all yank our kids out of school and move to a commune where we all live a life of blissful simplicity concerned only with those around us and never having to worry about complicated things like poverty or algebra? 

 

Probably not.

 

And, of course, I’m not suggesting that all people without a bachelor degree are ignorant or unaware of the pain in the world.   But I am suggesting that, often, learning more creates more questions than it does answers and that it can make the world more foreign instead of more understandable and that this complexity can rob us of some of that sureness and joyful clarity that came with youth.

 

Ok, it’s pretty clear I’ve drawn some pretty broad sweeping conclusions without much convincing data.  Which is, to say, that I am now a scientist and should publish my observations in an academic journal.

 

You see, that’s what those pointy headed academics are trying to do.  The more they learn, the more disorder they see in the world…. and it makes them sad.  So they try to clarify it.  They try to create order where there is none.  They try to rank states based on happiness.  They try to quantify the unquantifiable.  To draw order from the chaos.

 

It makes them happy.

 

Unfortunately, I’m afraid this blog hasn’t made anyone happy.  After yesterdays’ turgid soul wrenching diatribe, I had really hoped to write something happier today.  I’m not quite sure how I ended up here.  I was sure that writing about stupid happiness rankings and making fun of various states would be funny.

 

It turns out it is not.

 

Which I guess is why I should be #6 for happiness, but am, instead, #40.

 

But, hey, at least I don’t live in Ohio.

Only published comments... Jan 21 2010, 07:27 AM by superdad | [Edit Post]

Leave a Comment

(required)  
(optional)
(required)  
Add

About superdad

 

FO Home | About Us | Advertise | Contact Us

“Families ONLY” | 10410 Kensington Parkway | Suite 216 | Kensington MD 20895 | 301.946.9777 | 301.986.9766 (FAX)

©Copyright 2007 Families ONLY, All rights reserved.